For so many years I struggled to identify myself as a runner, I mean I ran Half Marathons and was running 3-5 days per week but I still couldn’t see myself as a “runner”.
I have not ran in several years due to some medical issues and then just didn’t have the same drive even though I missed participating in races.
Today I was having a conversation with a man I will call Sam. Sam is tall and thin and runs daily. Sam was drenched in sweat and I asked how his run was and I started a conversation about the mental battles of not hitting your minutes per miles, you know, the types of conversations two runners would have…comparing notes, etc.
I noticed him do that up and down glance with his eyes…you know that glance where they are sizing you up?
Let’s face it, these days my body is not what it used to be and it looks more like an alien took over it than that of a runner.
Sam does not know that I used to run Half Marathons, nor did he seem interested in continuing to have the conversation with me and actually looked at the young, lean, athletic young man sitting next to me and said, “Alex, you look like you could be a runner if you ever want to run just let me know.”
Mind you, I was not looking for an invitation, especially from someone who runs twice as fast as me but it was crushing, all the same, to feel so dismissed.
At that moment, I KNEW I was no longer a runner.
Have you ever had a passion or hobby that you truly enjoyed and filled your heart, mind, and soul?
Running did that for me…I guess I have not gotten over the fact that that season of my life has potentially come to a close because in my mind, I still DESIRE to be a runner.
Even in writing this, I feel the tug of war between my mind, heart, and body…when we desire something so much and it doesn’t feel like it is obtainable, the mind has a way of stepping in and making us BELIEVE that our desire or goal is beyond our reach.
The good news is, we have the power to change our stories by changing how we think.
I don’t know how the future holds for me in terms of running…I do know that it is totally in my POWER to decide whether I want to run or race again.
What might you be holding on to that you need to DECIDE whether it is time CLOSE that door or CHOOSE to keep it open?